


You Can Take the Bob Out of the Burgers, but You Can’t Take the Burgers Out of the Bob

by Ddsquaredd, MayDayGirl_Save_Our_Ships



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: #GiveZekeALastName, Evil plans that just don't work, F/M, Family Bonding, Louise Being Louise, M/M, why does Zeke not have a last name?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22111489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ddsquaredd/pseuds/Ddsquaredd, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayDayGirl_Save_Our_Ships/pseuds/MayDayGirl_Save_Our_Ships
Summary: “It’s called Bob’s Burgers, you moron!”When Zeke and Tina take over the family restaurant, Louise is not happy with the changes being made. Now it’s up to her to save her dad’s restaurant, one evil plan at a time.…Maybe she should have thought this through.
Relationships: Gene Belcher/Original Character(s), Tina Belcher/Zeke (Bob's Burgers)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36





	1. Louise's Surprise

“It’s called _Bob’s_ Burgers, you moron!” she screamed at the man behind the counter, who just happened to be her brother-in-law, Zeke. 

“Louise, girl, I need you to calm down right now, it’s the lunch rush,” Zeke tried to placate her.

Tina quickly stepped in, knowing placating Louise usually led to bloodshed rather than calming her sister.

“Zeke, honey, we have another order of chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes.”

“They’re flying out of here like hotcakes!” He smiled proudly. He walked back to the grill and Louise just barely stopped herself from gagging as she watched Tina eyeing Zeke’s ass as he walked away.

“Hate to see him leave, but love to watch him go,” Tina said.

“Right back at you, girl,” Zeke called through the order window. 

Tina grinned before finally looking at her baby sister. “Louise-”

“No, Tina!” Louise exploded. “How could you let him do this?” Her hand flew around to indicate their father’s restaurant. “It’s so… so…”

“New? Updated?”

“Horrible!”

Tina’s eyebrows scrunched together. “I think it’s nice.” She glanced around the room. “Louise, this place needed to be renovated. There were holes in the seats, the tables were wobbly, and the menus couldn’t even be read anymore. The customers like it, and more importantly, dad likes the changes.”

“Oh, ho, don’t you bring him into this! He would never approve of...of...this!”

“Do you really think I’d make changes without his approval?” Tina snapped at her sister. 

“There’s no friggin' burgers on the menu, Tina!”

“I told you that was a typo, we’re gonna fix-”

But Louise was on a roll. “And this color scheme? Black and white? We’re not Jimmy Pesto’s! Oh, oh and that stage.” She pointed at the stage near the window towards the street front. “There’s no way dad would allow you to ruin his restaurant. He always said no to a stage. And don’t even get me started on this ‘chicken-fried steak’ nonsense. I don’t see a single person in this restaurant that has a burger on their plate! No, I see pasta, I see chicken, I see a fucking salad for Christ sake!” She pointed at the empty blackboard. “And there’s no burger of the day!”

“You’ve always said you wanted to spice up the restaurant, Louise!”

“There’s spicing it up, and there’s completely ruining it!”

“The stage is for Gene and his band friends. They’ve been bringing in a lot of business! Do you really think I would do anything to ruin our family business? With Zeke at the grill, and the nice, new look, we’ve been doing better these past six month than we have in two years.”

“If you think you and your knuckle-dragging husband-”

“Don’t bring Zeke into this. He’s been nothing but helpful since dad’s fall. You ran away Louise, and now you’re just mad that you weren’t here to control everything.” 

“I didn’t run away-”

“Tina-girl, you know I love having you here with me, but ya’ll are making customers leave and I can’t do that to Papa B, he’s counting on me.” Zeke interrupted the girls as he walked back into the restaurant from the kitchen.

Louise looked around. There did seem to be only half of the amount of customers in here now versus when she’d first walked in.

“Stay out of our family business!” Louise snarled. 

“He _is_ our family, Louise. I think we’re done here Louise. I need to stay and help my husband. You can go put your suitcase in your old room.”

Louise went red, but she grabbed her pink rolling suitcase and made towards the door. “It better look the same as when I left it,” she shouted behind her shoulder.

Tina’s face crumpled slightly before glaring at her sister. “I would never-”

But Louise was already out the door. 

She used her key to get into her parent’s duplex. “At least the lock hasn't changed,” she grumbled to herself. She kicked her suitcase all the way up the stairs until she reached her room. “Stupid sister, stupid Zeke, stupid chicken fried steak!” Louise quickly scanned her small childhood bedroom looking for any changes. Thankfully it hadn’t been disturbed, not even to clean if the layers of dust were anything to go by. Good. 

Louise sat on her old bed, not bothering to turn on her lights as she stewed in the dark. She had come home to surprise her family, and instead, they had surprised her. That didn’t happen often. Bob’s Burgers, her dad’s pride and joy, always had her family’s run down charm, and now it looked like every other chain restaurant in the state! How could Tina allow their charming little diner to turn into something their father had never wanted it to be, a fancy shmancy restaurant. It made her so mad just thinking about it! She wanted to scream into her pillow.

Of course, she didn’t _entirely_ blame her sister. Tina was always easily manipulated by those around her. Zeke had somehow wormed his way into her sister’s heart and Tina hadn’t been the same since she said ‘I do’ two years ago. Now, he was doing the same thing to her family’s restaurant. 

She couldn’t allow this to happen. She had to protect Tina, and the restaurant from Zeke’s manipulations. She had to pull out the big guns. She needed to see a fat man about a burger.


	2. Fatman to the Rescue

Louise took a deep breath before pulling open the doors to the Sore Spots Rehabilitation Center her father had been staying in for the past three months. The lobby was nice, in that ugly patterned carpet, chandelier, and fake-plants way. She walked in and the person at the front desk didn’t even look up. She quickly signed herself in and then walked towards her father’s room. 

The deeper into the hall she went the more and more like a hospital the center became. Louise shivered, but continued to room 304. She didn’t even knock. She walked into her father’s room to see him sleeping on the hospital bed.

* * *

‘Daddy fell, honey.’  _ It was on repeat, a mantra in her mind, the whole 11 hour flight home. Her father had just been going down the stairs to get more pickles and had somehow fallen. Something he’d done a million times before, something she and her siblings had laughed about just as many times. He shouldn’t be going to the hospital. He should be complaining about his back while grilling up his burger of the day.  _

_ She didn’t even knock. She walked into her father’s room to see him sleeping on the hospital bed. He was lying on the bed, still and pale. There were wires everywhere, out of both arms, his nose, head, all over his chest.  _

_ “Daddy?” she barely whispered.  _

_ She walked to his bed reaching out for his hand, but drew it back, not wanting to hurt him or pull out a wire. _

_ “Oh, Louise!” Warm arms surrounded her as she felt her mother sobbing into her back.  _

_ She felt trapped. “What-what happened?” she asked her mom still staring, horrified at her too-still father. _

_ “He...he just wanted pickles. We ran out upstairs...and he slipped. Oh, honey, he wouldn’t wake up. I tried everything, I sang, I slapped him, I even tried flashing him, that always works, but he wouldn’t wake up.” _

_ “Is he...I…” Louise couldn’t think, she could barely breathe. _

_ “They don’t know. He didn't just break his back...he severely injured his spinal cord, baby. They don't know if he’ll ever walk again.” _

_ Louise felt her legs give out on her, but her mother caught her.  _

_ “Daddy, you have to wake up!” Louise ordered. She ridiculously thought of regular sized Rudy as she gasped for air, which didn’t seem to fill her lungs no matter how hard she breathed.  _

_ “Honey, they knocked him out for a little while because of the pain.” _

_ Louise pushed her mom’s arms off of her. Her mother was being ridiculous.  _

_ “Daddy, stop it! You have to wake up! Please, you have to wake up!” She didn’t notice the tears streaming down her face until the sight of her father became blurry.  _

_ Louise could just make out the sob from her mother, as she walked over to him. No longer caring about the wires, she hugged him. _

_ “You can wake up now, I’m home. I’m here now, so you can wake up.” _

_ A new pair of arms wrapped around her. She barely registered it was Tina.  _

_ “He’s going to be okay, Louise,” Tina assured her sister. _

_ “Why won’t he wake up then? You have to wake up!” _

_ “He will, just not right now.” Louise could hear the tears in Tina’s voice. _

_ “No! Now! I didn’t...I didn’t even...he has to…” _

_ “He knows you love him and when he wakes up he’ll be back to the grill-.” _

_ “How can you be so sure, mom said-” _

_ “Because I have faith. It’s dad, Louise, when has he ever let you down?” _

_ “What if he can’t walk, T?” _

_ “Then, we’ll figure it out, as a family. When he wakes up, dad should be a part of those decisions.” _

_ “I...I just need him to be okay, T,” Louise cried.  _

_ “I know it looks awful right now. You’ll see when he wakes up, Louise. He’s going to be okay. You gotta have faith. Dad never lets us down.” _

_ “How can you be so calm?” Louise demanded.  _

_ “It’s dad, Louise. He’s superman.” _

_ “He’s fatman,” Louise amended as she wiped the tears from her eyes. _

_ Tina smiled softly. “Well, if you can joke about it, I guess you’re going to be okay.” _

_ “Of course I am! I haven’t gone soft. It’s  _ dad _. I’m not worried at all!” _

* * *

_ They lifted her dad out of his drug-induced coma three days after Louise had gotten home. They weren’t allowed to be in the room when he woke up. _

_ “He needs me in there!” her mom had demanded. “That’s my husband!” _

_ “In case of complications,” the nurse had said snootily. Her mom looked ready to argue, but when she looked over at Louise and her siblings, something seemed to soften in their mother, and she allowed herself to be pushed out the door.  _

_ They stood in the hallway instead of the waiting room, none of them wanting to be far from her dad. They heard soft voices and one groggy one. The soft voices became more urgent as the groggy one became louder. The door quickly opened. _

_ “Linda?!” Louise heard her father scream. “Where’s my wife, where am I? Why am I strapped down.” _

_ “Stop pulling those out!” They heard the nurses say.  _

_ The snooty nurse form before looked at her mom with pleading eyes, “He’s been trying to pull out his IVs and won’t let the doctor check him. Can you please come in and calm your husband down?” _

_ “I told you he needed me!” They heard their mom say before the door to their father’s ICU room closed behind her. _

_ “He’s finally awake,” Gene said, as all three siblings smiled goofily at one another.  _

_ “I told you.” Tina smirked at Louise.  _

_ “I knew it.” Louise waved her hand in the air dismissively. _

_ “Am I missing something here?” Gene asked. _

_ “Just sister stuff,” Tina replied. _

_ “Yeah, sister stuff.” Louise smiled. _

_ “Um, hello, am I  _ not _ the middle sister?” _

* * *

_ It had been four weeks since she’d been home and there wasn’t much progress where her father was concerned.  _

_ “You can go back, it’s fine,” her dad said to her one night. _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “I know you’re getting restless and you’ve been talking about taking that trip around Europe since you were 16. Tina and Zeke are helping out with the restaurant and you know your mom keeps me on their strict dietary and exercise plan. You don’t need to sit around and watch this old man learn to walk and wipe his own butt again.” _

_ “Old and fat, you can’t forget fat.” _

_ “Louise,” Bob grumbled.  _

_ “You trying to get rid of me, Fatman?” Louise only half joked. _

_ “You’ve had your trip planned for years. You were already in Glasgow when your mom called you. I don’t want to get in the way of your dream trip.” _

_ “What? I thought you didn’t want your 20 year old daughter to backpack through Europe alone.” _

_ “If any of my children could hold their own and vagabond through Europe, it’s you, Louise. I want you to go. I want you to enjoy the trip you planned and worked so hard to pay for. I’ll still be here when you get back. You’ll see, once you get back, I’ll be able to wipe my own butt and actually walk around this hospital room.” _

_ “You sure?” She wasn't sure if she was talking about her leaving or if she was talking about his health. _

_ He seemed to hear the double meaning behind her question. “Of course, just know that I expect phone calls every week.” _

_ “I don’t know, those data plans can be really expen-” _

_ “Louise.” _

_ “Fine, fine, but you’re paying for it.” _

_ “I’m gonna miss you too, Louise.” He smiled. “Now help your old man out and give me a hug.” _

_ She promptly wrapped her arms around him tightly, squeezing extra hard, even though she knew he couldn’t feel it.  _

* * *

“There is no time for sleeping, Fatman! This is an emergency!”

“Wah-” Her father startled awake.

“Oh wait till I tell you! It’s a travesty I tell you, a travesty!” She began to pace back and forth the tiny room. 

“Louise! You’re home! Why are you home? No, don’t answer that. Give me a hug.” He held out his arms to her. 

For a moment Louise took in the sight. He hadn’t been able to hold his arms out like that the last time she saw him. She promptly fell into them and squeezed him tight. He squeezed her just as hard. 

“Missed you, kiddo,” he whispered into her head. Her father chuckled to himself. “Even after all this time I still expect to see your pink ears.”

“You’re the one that helped me turn them into this beanie after the left ear fell off.” Louise rolled her eyes and reached up to tug her hat more securely onto her head. 

Louse pulled out of the hug. “Dad, you need to listen to me. It’s the restaurant, something awful has happened!”

“Are Tina and Zeke okay?” 

Louise scowled at her dad. “They’re the problem!”

“I don’t understand.” 

“Let me tell you what they’ve done! You’ll freak out. I can’t believe they’d do this behind your back. It’s a betrayal, that’s what it is.”

“Louise, maybe take a breath? You’re kind of rambling here. What’s going on?” her dad asked confused. 

“They’ve completely changed the restaurant, Dad! They replaced the seat upholstery, got new weird tables, changed the color scheme, and there’s even a stage! A stage, Dad!”

Her father started chuckling. Not the reaction she expected. 

“I know, Louise. Tina and Zeke ran all those changes by me. I picked out the new color scheme,” he said proudly. “It’s different, but I think it’s been good for the restaurant.”

“But you always said we would never get a stage!”

Her dad laughed. “Yeah, but that was back when Gene thought fart noises were entertainment and if he used the stage he would scare away all the customers. Now, Gene and band are pretty good, and they actually bring in quite a bit of business. They have a cult following, Louise, very loyal.”

Louise’s vision took on a hint of red. “I didn’t want to tell you this, dad, but you’ve left me no choice. There are no burgers on the menu! No burger of the day on the chalkboard. Dad, Zeke is making chicken-fried steak! I don’t even know what that is, but I know what it ain’t! It’s not a burger!”

To her surprise her father chuckled again. “Yeah I heard about that typo on the menu. Don’t worry so much, Louise. We’ve already ordered the new menus and Zeke even got them to do it for free! Since it was their mess up! And as for the new food, I think it’s good that Zeke is expanding the menu. I love watching Zeke grow as a chef. He reminds me of myself when I was younger. Burgers were my passion, but it’s okay if they’re not Zeke’s. They’re still going to be on the menu and that’s enough for me.”

“Okay, but have you seen the restaurant in person, Dad? Have you seen all these changes or are you just taking Zeke’s word for it?” She couldn’t believe her dad was falling for Zeke’s manipulations too. 

“Well, no, but I’ve seen pictures and-”

“Pictures don’t always tell the whole story, Dad. I know you, if you saw the restaurant in person, you would hate it. You hate change.”

“Louise, I think you’re taking this a little too far. It’s fine. I like the changes, and it’s been really good for the revenue.”

“You used to care about quality over revenue,” Louise said petulantly. 

“And I still do. Zeke and Tina go to the farmers market every morning, just like I did. The ingredients are fresh. Zeke has a perfect pallet, Louise. I trust him.”

Louise could not believe what she was hearing. Zeke this, Zeke that. When had Zeke become her dad’s prodigal son? Zeke had somehow put her father under the same spell he’d put on her sister, and it was up to her to break the curse.


	3. Mrs. Kettle and Mr. Pot

The door had barely closed behind Tina’s sister when Zeke looked at her with a wince.

“Well, now I feel bad. Am I overstepping my boundaries here, Tina-girl?” He looked at her with worry-filled eyes.

“No, you were right, we shouldn’t have made a scene like that, we’re not children anymore.” Tina sighed. “I don’t know why she’s being like this. Well, the changes, I understand, that’s Louise, but coming after you?”

“She’s your sister,” Zeke said as if that explained it all. And it kind of did. “So, you gonna go up there and try and figure out what’s wrong?”

“Am I that apparent?” Tina asked her husband. 

“To me. I love that about you. Family always come first. I knew that when I first started dating a Belcher...and...” Zeke’s eyes lowered to the floor no longer looking adoringly at his wife. “I guess, for Louise, that’s still not me.”

At once, Tina was furious at her sister. 

“You definitely are family, Ezekiel. My family.”

She saw her husband's eyes mist before he quickly wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. “Now, you know you’re not supposta call me that down here, woman.” He gave her a jaunty wink.

Tina felt torn. It felt like her soul was being led to two very different places. One was longing to go upstairs and talk to her sister. Give her the proper welcome home she deserved after three months abroad. The other half demanded to be down here helping her husband, and by association, her parents, with the lunch rush. Zeke might not show it often, but he was the most tenderhearted man she knew. Louise’s words had stung him very deeply. She’d always had a knack for finding and using the thing you were most insecure about against you.

Tina sighed. Her sister was a big girl, and she was sure, after Louise cooled down, she’d be able to get her to see that the changes they made in her sister’s absence had been quite necessary. Teddy had had to get a tetanus shot when his stool had broken and he’d been pierced by the rusted metal. Yes, she was certain her sister would see reason about all the changes Zeke and her dad had come up with. Tina straightened her shoulders, and began running Zeke’s delicious recipes to their customers. 

* * *

“That lunch rush was a tough one today,” Zeke said, but his grin belied his words. 

“I love how happy you are working here. It’s a good look on you, Zeke.”

“Hey, now, you know I’d be happy if I was in a cardboard box as long I had you at my side, but shoot, working here? Carrying on Papa B’s legacy, it means the world to me Tina-girl. I can’t- I don’t want-to screw it up, like everything else in my life, ‘sides you of course.”

“Now you hold on a minute.” Tina put a hand on her hip. Zeke’s eyes had grown far too sad for her liking, and she couldn’t stand it. “You aren’t going to screw anything up. You’ve never doubted yourself in the kitchen. Is this because of what Louise said?”

Zeke looked pleadingly at his wife. “What if the changes we’re making are too big?”

“Gosh darn it, Zeke.” Tina wrapped him up in a big bear hug, happy to return the favor that Zeke so freely gave to her when she had moments of self-doubt. She pulled back and cupped his face to make him look at her. “We made those decisions as a family. You’re the one that wanted to replace everything with the same look. Dad said he was ready for the update.”

“But, this  _ is _ Bob’s Burgers. I haven’t made a burger since the new menus went out. I should at least put that on the chalkboard.” He rested his head on her shoulder.

Tina gently rubbed his back. “The menus weren’t your fault, Zeke. And I know how you feel about the chalkboard.”

“I could never be as creative, or funny, or smart as Papa B-” Zeke held out a hand to silence his wife. “I know you don’t agree, but I’m just not ready to be on  _ the _ chalkboard.”

“As long as you know I think that’s ridiculous. I loved the pun you came up with last week, what was it again?”

“Fried and Prejudice, served with french fries in the burger and fried cheese on top. I love Jane Austen.”

“I know you do, honey.”

“Tina, I saw the way your sister was looking at me today.”

“She just doesn't like that she didn’t have a say in the changes. Once I explain it to her, reasonably, and rationally why all the changes were made, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Tina-girl, are we talking about the same baby sister that tried to light me on fire during our wedding?”

“She said that was an accident!”

“Tina, I know you want to believe in your sister, but you know Louise more than anyone, and you know what she’s capable of doing to someone she thinks it threatening her family.”

“Stop saying that,” Tina snapped.

Zeke frowned. “Hey now, I’m not talkin’ bad about your baby sis, you know I love her like my own-”

“I know you do. That’s not what I’m talking about. You _ are  _ my family, damn it!” Tina stomped her foot for emphasis, angry tears in her eyes. “You’re my husband. We may not be Blechers in name, but we’re Belchers in heart, and that’s what this family is all about, damn it. You have to know that, Zeke.”

“I know that.” At Tina’s doubting look he rolled his eyes. “I do, Tina-girl. I’m sorry.” He used her big thumbs to wipe her tears. “But honey, if you start crying I’m gonna start crying and then who will make dinner?”

That comment did exactly what Zeke had meant it to do when Tina began chuckling through her tears. “Zeke, you’re a really great chef, but you’re an even better husband. I don’t know how I could get through these last six months without you.”

“Now, now, don’t go all mushy on me.” Zeke teased.

Tina rolled her eyes. “The pot shouldn’t call the kettle mushy, she knows all his secrets.”

“You sure do, Mrs. Kettle. You sure do.” Zeke promptly, but lovingly gave his wife a kiss. 


	4. It’s Not Breaking and Entering if You Don’t Break Anything

_Where the hell is he?_

Louise sat on kitchen stool as she drummed her fingers across the counter. 

Her plan had been to surprise her brother at his boyfriend’s apartment, but there had been no one there to answer the door. She decided to let herself in, and was greeted by a fairly clutter-free living room and a clear view of the kitchen.

Since Gene hadn't been at the Belcher house when she first arrived, Louise guessed this was the only place he would be. It wasn’t like Gene to go out and actually _do_ things on the weekend, so where was he? 

Louise had been to Ken’s apartment only once for a holiday party when Ken and Gene first started dating. Gene asked her to come for moral support, but Louise had only come to scam the drunk party goers out of their cash with an improvised version of the shell game (and to support Gene, but no one needs to bring that up). 

Louise pulled out her phone. She could text him and find out where he was, but that would defeat the purpose of a surprise visit. 

The front door’s lock turned and Louise was startled into an upright position. Finally! 

The door was pushed open and Louise rotated her stool to greet-

“What the hell?” Came a strangled voice caught between a scream and a gasp. “Who- who are you?”

Okay, so maybe she shouldn’t have lock-picked her way into the apartment, but what was she supposed to do, wait outside until someone came home?

She reached over the counter and pulled a large knife out of the knife holder. 

“Don’t mind me, just your friendly neighborhood serial killer,” she quipped. Okay, so it wasn’t nice, but she really couldn’t help herself when given an opportunity to mess with someone. And Ken’s wide-eyed expression made it totally worth it. He clearly hadn’t recognized her.

“LOUISE!!!” an excited voice cried as someone shoved past a frozen Ken, almost knocking him over. “You’re home!” Gene shouted as he threw his arms around her. She has barely managed to place the knife on the kitchen counter to avoid stabbing her brother. He picked her up off the stool in a bear hug and swung her around once. 

“Okay, okay,” she protested and tried to squirm away. “Don’t make me regret putting down the knife.”

Gene laughed but quickly let her go so she could stand next to him. Gene was still taller than her. All her siblings were taller than her, a fact she liked to think she made up for with personality and the occasional use of scare tactics. 

“I can’t believe you’re finally home! Ken, you remember my sister Louise, right?” 

“Oh yeah… you were at my party.” He frowned. “I lost fifty bucks to you.” 

“Ouch…” Louise tried to sound sympathetic, but it came out hollow. “Well, it’s like they say, you can’t win them all.”

“No one won anything from your game the entire night,” Ken said with a glare. “You hustled us.” He paused in realization. “And now you… broke into my apartment?”

Louise rolled her eyes. “I didn’t _break_ anything, I used a lockpick. I’m not an amateur.”

While Ken was temporarily stunned, Louise turned to her brother. “Gene, I need to talk to you. Top secret Belcher family stuff.”

“Yeah, because that’s not rude at all,” Ken said stiffly. He turned to Gene. “I’ll let you put away the groceries, Gene, so you can have your… family time.”

Ken disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the grocery bags near the front door.

There was something about her brother that seemed different to Louise. She had only been gone a few months, but every time she saw him, he seemed to get closer and closer to Ken. And now, Gene was helping to put away the groceries? Gene hated doing chores, why would he be doing someone else’s? Louise mentally scoffed. Love changed people, made them stupid. This was exactly what happened with Tina.

But Louise could only deal with one problem at a time.

“So how was Europe? Tell me everything!” Gene said as he picked up the first grocery bag and started shoving the groceries into the fridge haphazardly, barely paying attention to where things belonged.

“Europe was fine,” Louise said dismissively. “Gene, have you seen the restaurant lately?” she blurted out, unable to hold it in anymore.

“Uh yes? I live there, and sometimes work there, and also play there. You have to see the band now! We’re really-” 

“Can you believe what Tina and Zeke have done to the restaurant?”

“Umm…” Gene sounded unsure. He emptied out the last bag and began shoving the frozen food into the freezer. “What do you mean?”

“They’ve completely ruined it! All of the changes look terrible! The menu is all wrong! And there are no burgers in a friggin burger restaurant!”

“I kind of like it!” Gene said as he threw the last empty grocery bag on the floor and came over to sit at the stool next to her. “It’s modern! And Zeke’s food is good too.”

Louise sighed. Of course Gene liked it, but Gene also liked techno music, soulless movie remakes, and Ken. There was no accounting for taste when it came to her brother. 

“It doesn’t matter how we feel. Dad is going to hate the new restaurant.”

Gene cocked his head to the side. “I thought he approved of all the changes? Tina said-”

“That’s just it! Dad was tricked. Zeke manipulated him into approving the changes, but I know Dad the best. I know once he comes back and actually sees the restaurant in person, he’s going to hate it!”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. But don’t worry, because I’m going to come up with a plan to save the restaurant and I need your help.”

“Shouldn’t we just talk to Zeke about this? Or dad?”

Louise shook her head stubbornly. “I already tried talking to dad, but he’s too in love with Zeke and his ‘perfect pallet’ to see what’s really going on,” she said with the help of air quotes. “And Zeke’s the mastermind behind this whole operation. There’s no way he’ll give up control now, especially now that he’s got Tina and dad eating out of the palm of his hand. No, we have to fight his evil plan with an evil plan of our own.”

“Not to be a Negative Nelly, but why does it always have to be an evil plan? Why can’t you ever have a regular plan?”

“Because we have to fight fire with fire! You in?”

“I don’t know...”

“Gene, Dad is working his hardest to get better so he can come back to the restaurant and things can go back to normal. This restaurant is his dream. If he comes back and hates all the changes, his soul will be crushed! It’s up to us to stop that from happening. Don’t you want to help dad?”

“Yeah, but…”

“But?”

“But we can keep the stage, right?” Gene pleaded. “I like being able to play at the restaurant.”

Louise rolled her eyes. “Fine, we can keep the stage. I guess the stage isn’t the worst thing to happen to the restaurant.”

“Yes!” Gene cheered. “It’s a good thing we’re keeping it, because Teddy put a lot of work into building it. He’d probably be offended if we got rid of... Umm Louise?” He poked her shoulder. “You’ve got your scheming face on. Should I come back later?”

“Teddy helped build the stage, huh?” Louise mused. “I wonder how he’s doing now that his favorite restaurant isn’t serving burgers? We should pay him a visit. It’s been a while and we need to... catch up.”


	5. The Evil Plan: Fix-It Teddy

Louise knocked forcefully on the front door to Teddy’s house. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Louise?”

“Crushed soul, Gene.” Louise pressed her hands together for emphasis. “Do you wanna help dad or not?”

“Okay, okay! For dad.”

“Good.” Louise knocked on the door more forcefully. “Now, just sit there and look pretty. Let me do all the talking.”

“That’s what I do best.” Gene grinned. 

The door swung open quickly. Teddy had a baseball bat in hand, ready to swing. He looked around with wild eyes.

“Wha- Gene, Louise? What are you doing here? I thought you were- nevermind, nevermind, come in.” He waved the two youngest Belcher kids in with a grin. 

“What’s with the bat?” Gene asked.

Louise pinched him. Hard. “I said I’d do the talking,” she hissed. “Don’t get him started on-”

“It’s Thundergirl cookie season, and they get more and more aggressive every year, I tell ya. This one girl actually came into my house and started to-”

“Right, right, Thundergirls, suuuuuper aggressive. Teddy, we need to talk to you,” Louise interrupted. 

“Wait, I kinda wanna hear about this-OW.” Gene glared at her as she pinched him again.

“Damn it, Gene, we don’t have time! We have to save dad, and Teddy is our only hope!” 

“Wait, what’s happening? Is Bobby okay? I thought he was doing better. Does he need me to go down to see him? Does he want me to take his place, marry your mother, and become a father to you kids?”

“No, Teddy, it’s worse than that!” Louise shook her head sadly.

“Whoa, wait, what about our mom?” Gene asked. 

“Gene!” Louise hissed.

“What? If anyone is taking over for dad, marrying mom, and becoming our father, it’s me!”

Louise’s hand palmed her face and slowly slid down in frustration. _Idiots, I’m surrounded by idiots!_

“Teddy, have you _been_ to the restaurant lately?” Louise asked trying to steer the conversation towards what she wanted. 

“Yeah, course I have,” Teddy said.

“Then you’ve seen what Zeke’s done to the place?”

“What Zeke’s done to the place? Oh, you mean the stage?” 

“Yes-”

Gene gasped. “You said you weren’t getting rid of the stage!” He glared at her, betrayed. 

Louise rolled her eyes. “Yes, we’re keeping the stage.”

“Good ‘cause I put a lot of hard work into it.” Teddy nodded. 

“The stage is beautiful, Teddy. Honest. Some of your best work! But-”

“But? There’s a but? Why’s there a but? I knew I should have used a different wood. Stupid, Teddy,” Teddy berated himself. 

“No, no, Teddy. The stage is great, honestly,” Louise placated. “It’s the _other_ changes we have to talk about. Teddy, your our father’s best friend, right?”

“I am? I mean of course I am,” Teddy agreed.

“And you’d never want him to get hurt, right Teddy?”

“Course not! I’d protect him with my life. If I could’ve fallen down the stairs in his place, I would’ve,” Teddy answered solemnly. 

“Wow, he couldn’t ask for a better friend, Teddy. That’s why I’m so surprised that you’re sitting back and allowing Zeke to ruin the restaurant.” Louise gave him a sad, disappointed look.

“What are you talking about?” Teddy looked at Gene urgently. “Gene, what’s she talking about?”

“Zeke is making all these awful changes to dad’s legacy, and when he comes back his soul is going to be crushed,” Louise explained. 

“Crushed?” Teddy asked worriedly.

“Completely obliterated. He’ll be a soulless man, Teddy. Is that what you want?”

“No! Of course not! Bob’s my best friend! You know that. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

“And yet you’ve betrayed him in the worst way, Teddy. Why didn’t you stop the changes?” Louise wobbled her bottom lip at Teddy.

Teddy’s eyes misted over with tears. “Oh God! What have I done? What have I done?” he cried into his hands.

“There, there, there, Teddy.” Louise patted Teddy gingerly on his heaving shoulders. “ _I_ know you didn’t mean to betray our dad in the worst way possible.” 

“How can I ever make this up to him? My best friend!”

“You could get him chocolate?” Gene suggested.

Louise glared at Gene.

“What? It works on me!” Gene defended himself. 

“Well, dad’s not you.” Louise pointed out. “But, Teddy, I have a better idea. A way you can make it up to him, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll forgive you, but nah… that’d be too hard…”

“What? What is it? I’ll do anything! Anything!” Teddy shouted. 

“Alright, here’s what we do.” Louise couldn’t help the evil grin that spread from ear to ear. 

* * *

“Are you sure this is going to work, Louise? It seems kind of… I don’t know... mean?” Gene questioned. 

Louise scoffed as she unlocked the restaurant's door. She didn’t move to go inside; instead, she turned around to face her brother. “Mean? What’s ‘mean’ is destroying our dad’s legacy right from under our sister’s nose. I’m doing what needs to be done. Now go be the distraction you were born to be!” 

“I can’t help but feel like you’re using my natural adorableness for evil.”

“What can I say, sometimes you have to do a little evil for the greater good.”

“Umm…”

“Now go upstairs and don’t let Tina or Zeke come down to the restaurant for any reason!” 

Gene shrugged once before turning towards the house door and making his way up. 

“Louise, are you sure Bob is okay with this? Call me crazy, but destroying things in his restaurant seems like something he would not want.”

“Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, we’ve talked about this. You’ll only be destroying the _new_ things Zeke added. This is the stuff dad will hate. We’re doing him a favor. Once everything new is broken, Tina will realize that the old restaurant was better and everything will go back to normal.”

“Huh, seems logical to me, but what about-"

“Teddy, this isn’t the time to doubt the plan. I didn’t want to tell you this, but there are no _burgers_ on the _menu_!”

“No burgers on the menu?” He gazed through the window into the restaurant. “Okay, what should I break first?”

“Those new stools are an eyesore. Maybe you could… loosen a few screws.”

“That seems like a safety hazard. I know how it feels to fall off a stool. I had to get a tetanus shot in the butt! I can still feel the sting.” Teddy rubbed his butt gently. 

“Did we come here to argue, or did we come to save my Dad’s restaurant?”

“Save the restaurant!” 

“That’s right, Teddy. Now, go in there, and be the best friend you were born to be.”

“For Bob!” Teddy yelled as he entered the restaurant. 

* * *

For the first time since coming home, Louise woke with a smile on her face. This was going to be a great morning. She couldn’t wait to watch her sister and Zeke scrambling around in the restaurant trying to fix everything that Teddy had wrecked last night. She couldn’t help but laugh as the scene played in her head.

Louise quickly rushed through her morning routine, not wanting to miss another second of the chaos below her. 

The bell rang as Louise opened the door to the restaurant. Her mischievous grin fell into a frown as the normal, calm restaurant noises were all that met her ears. 

Where was the chaos? The broken stools? The unscrewed light fixtures? The tilted tables? Everything she and Teddy had prepared for Zeke and Tina last night had simply vanished, as if all their hard work had repaired itself. But how? 

Her attention was drawn to a large man sitting at his usual spot at the counter. 

Louise walked up to him immediately.

“Good morning, Louise.” Tina smiled at her sister.

“Yeah, yeah, good morning, Tina,” Louise said dismissively. “Teddy! What are you doing here?” Louise asked with gritted teeth and fake smile as she patted his shoulder aggressively with each word.

“Order’s up, T-Bird!” Zeke called from behind the grill.

“I have to go get that, Teddy, Louise,” Tina said apologetically as she walked towards the back to get the order. 

As soon as her sister was out of hearing range, Louise scowled at the old handyman. “Teddy, what the hell happened? This place was ready to fall apart when we left it last night! Why is everything still standing?”

“Oh yeah, about that Louise… Tina called me real early this morning asking me to come over and fix up the place. She was crying! I had to do something. What kind of uncle would I be if I let my niece cry when it’s something I can fix! Plus, look, they made me a burger!” Teddy pointed at his half eaten burger and fries for emphasis. 

Louise balled her hands into fists. “Of course they did…” Louise muttered to herself. Those sneaky bastards, they had bribed her un-handyman. 

“What?” Teddy asked.

Louise forced herself to take a deep breath. “I thought we had an arrangement, Teddy?” she said in a low voice. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, Louise. I hate to disappoint either one of you guys. Maybe I can continuously break everything in the middle of the night for you, and then fix it in the morning for Tina? Would that work?”

Louise sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, no, don’t worry about it, Teddy. I won’t be needing your services again. Obviously I underestimated my opponents. But don’t worry, I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Oh, okay Louise. Just let me know if you need me. I’m here for you.”

Louise turned away from the man, dismissively waving off his offer. She should’ve known Teddy didn’t have the stomach or heart for sabotage. 

She needed to find Gene. She could always convince him to go along with her schemes. They just needed another plan.


	6. Linda Knows Best

Earlier in the morning Zeke had called his mother-in-law to ask her to come to the restaurant to help with the inventory, but what he really wanted was her advice. As the bells chimed, signaling Linda Belcher’s arrival, his heart started to beat wildly. He wasn’t afraid of his mother-in-law, but of the sensitive subject he would have to bring to her attention.

“Oh, I’m so glad you called,” Linda said. “Bobby doesn’t like me watching his physical therapy sessions, and all I do is twiddle my thumbs for a few hours and wait for him to come back! It’s so boring, and he always comes back a grumpy gills.”

“Well, that doesn't make me feel so bad taking you away from Papa B.” Zeke smiled at her. 

“I’m happy to help you two out anytime, Zeke, honestly. You both are doing Bob and I such a big favor taking over for us while he recovers.”

“Um, about that, Mama B, ya see, I really brought you over for....well...some advice about your daughter.”

“Tina?” Linda asked wide eyed. “What’s going on? You two seem to be doing so great?”

“We are!” Zeke assured her, “Tina and I are great, fantastic really, I meant Louise.”

“Oh, you meant that daughter. That makes so much more sense.” Linda nodded knowingly. “What did she do now?”

“I don’t know how to say this any other way then bluntly, Mama B, but when Tina opened up the restaurant this mornin’, everything new down here was either crooked or broken.”

“Oh no!” Linda gasped. “But everything looks alright.” Linda looked around the restaurant. 

“Tina had Teddy fix the place up just in time for the first customers.”

“That was nice of him.” Linda smiled.

Zeke bit his lip. “I don’t mean to point fingers, but Louise was real mad at me when she came home and saw all the changes. You know as well as I do, this has Louise’s name painted all over it. Mama B, she made Tina cry, and I’m sorry, but I can’t let no one make my wife cry.”

“That does sound like Louise,” Linda agreed with a resigned sigh. “What did Tina have to say about it?”

“The thing is, she was already so upset. I didn’t want to make her cry again with my suspectin’ her baby sister and all,” Zeke admitted.

“Well, let me talk to Bob-”

“No, please, Mama B, I don’t want to hurt either one of them knowing that it’s their own family member tryna’ sabotage this family’s restaurant. You and I, we’re the protectors of this family. We gotta fix this on our own so that they don’t get hurt.”  
“So, what is it you need from me, Zeke?” Linda asked.

“I think… I think the only solution is to have you talk to Louise. She ‘bout hates me right now. She wouldn’t listen to a word I say.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Zeke. Louise is just jealous.”

“Jealous? But we told her she could take over the restaurant if she wanted when Papa B first fell.”

“Not of you and the restaurant, well maybe a little, but mostly she’s jealous of you with Tina.”

“I don’t know, Mama B, she was yellin’ real loud about the changes I made for Papa B in the restaurant.” 

“Don’t worry about it. Let me handle Louise, you just go take care of Tina and the restaurant.”

Zeke sighed in relief. “Thanks, Mama B, I really appreciate you doing that for us.”

“Of course, that’s what mothers are for!” Linda pulled Zeke into a bear hug. “I’m going to fix everything.”

* * *

“Loooouise! My baby! You’re home!” Linda’s arms wrapped around her youngest daughter in a bone crushing hug. “Finally!”

“Mooom!” Louise complained as she struggled to get away (and breathe). “You’re boobs are crushing me!”

“You’ve been gone too long! You’ve been home for over 24 hours and you haven’t come to visit your poor mother. Didn’t you miss me?” 

“I didn’t miss this!” Louise grumbled as she finally managed to push herself out of her mother’s grip. 

“Of course you did!”

“Why are you even here? I thought you’d be with dad.”

“That old sourpuss is doing physical therapy right now, and I wanted to see my baby-”

“I’m not a baby anymore.”

“You’ll always be my baby, Louise, no matter how old you get. Perks of being born last.”

“Well, it was good to see you mom, but Gene really wanted me to check out his band, like, right now, so I’mma go.” She pointed her thumb towards the door making her way towards it.

Her mom held out a hand stopping her in place. “Hold up there, Miss Missy, I got a bone to pick with you.”

“What? I just got home! There hasn’t been time for me to give you a bone to pick at!”

“Oh really, missy? Are you sure about that?”

Louise didn’t even blink. “Of course mom. You know me, I’ve just been settling in, catching up with the family-”

“Sabotaging the restaurant?” Linda supplied.

“What? Me? Is that what Zeke told you? He’s trying to turn you against me, mom! Don’t let him! I always knew he would rip this family apart.”

“Louise…” 

“I don’t know what happened downstairs. Zeke must have bought faulty equipment. I knew that new stuff was no good.”

“Louise…”

“What?” Louise asked petulantly. “Some of the restaurant breaks overnight and it’s all my fault? Why am I always to blame?”

Linda signed. “Tell me the truth, Louise. What’s going on with you and Zeke?”

“You mean besides the fact that he’s ruining Dad’s restaurant?”

“Come on, we both know that’s not true. This all started way before you’re father fell down those stairs. You’ve been angry at Zeke ever since the wedding.”

“Have not!”

“You lit him on fire during the reception.”

“That was an accident! Why does no one believe me?”

“I know change has never been easy for you Louise, but your brother-in-law-”

“Don’t call him that! It’s weird!”

“What would you call him then, honey?”

“I don’t know… Tina’s Boytoy, the Mad Pooper, take your pick.”

“He’s family now, Louise. Just think of him as your second brother.”

“Gross mom, if anyone else is the second Belcher son, it’s me.”

“Oh, baby, you know Tina can love you and Zeke at the same time, don’t you? Just because she’s married to Zeke now, doesn't mean she loves you any less or that you’re not still sisters.”

Louise rolled her eyes for show, but her heart gave a little lurch at her mom’s words. “Yeah, I know, mom.”

“I don’t think you do, baby. I went through the same thing with Aunt Gayle when your father and I got married. She thought me joining your father’s family meant I wouldn’t be her sister anymore.” 

“How dare- I can’t believe- you’re comparing  _ me _ to Aunt Gayle?”

Linda chuckled. “Just think over what I said, okay? Zeke loves your sister and he’s good for her too. You’d see that if you were home more often.”

“Mom…”

“What? It’s a mother’s privilege to make her child feel guilty for not visiting.”

“I don’t feel guilty,” Louise grumbled to herself, even though she did.

“Mother knows best, Louise, and you mother is the best of all the other mothers. So, you should listen to what I have to say.”

Louise didn’t say anything. It seemed her mother was on the dark side too. First Tina, then her dad, now her mom, did Zeke know no boundaries? She knew what she had to do now, though. She couldn’t let it spread to Gene. “Look, Mom, I really did promise Gene I’d see his band play.” 

“Alright, alright, go play with your brother’s little band.” She kissed Louise's forehead. 

“Yuck, I’m not nine anymore, lady!” Louise violently tried to wipe the wet kiss off of her forehead, but she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips. It was good to be home. 


	7. The Evil Plan 2: Fishes Don't Always Stink

“Okay Gene, I have a new plan.”

Gene looked up at her from where he was setting up the drum set at Wish You Were Beer, the bar he and his band would be playing at that night. 

“Another evil plan?” Gene asked. “Maybe there’s a reason your last plan didn’t work.”

“Yeah, because Teddy is weak and I underestimated my opponent. But this one is foolproof, which I need, because I’m surrounded by them.” 

“Opponents?”

“Fools!” Louise shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. “Everyone is getting suckered in by Zeke. Bunch of rubes.”

“Maybe these evil plans aren’t such a good idea. Your first one failed, so maybe you’re not meant to win this one. Plus, Zeke really isn't that bad, Louise. We could have had a worse brother-in-law. It could have been Jimmy Jr.”

“I can’t believe you’re taking his side! What happened to Belchers, from the womb to the tomb?”

“I’m not taking his side! Just because I don’t hate Zeke doesn’t mean I’m not on your side. I just don’t think we should keep messing with the restaurant.”

“They started it! I’m the one trying to fix everything.” 

“Tina was really upset this morning, Louise. She cried.” Gene frowned. “I didn’t like it.”

Louise’s chest tightened. “I didn’t mean to make her cry. I’m just trying to save the restaurant. Don’t worry, once the restaurant is saved, she’ll see it my way.”

“That kind of makes you sound like a super villain.”

“You mean superhero, I’m trying to save this family,” Louise spoke through a clenched jaw. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. “Come on Gene, you always help me. You’re my... larger brother.”

“I’m sorry, Louise, I just can’t this time. You usually use your evil schemes for good or for harmless personal gain, but this time, I think you’re just being mean. You’re doing this to hurt Zeke, but what you don’t realize is when you hurt Zeke, you’re also hurting our sister.”

“Fine, I don’t need you! I can save this restaurant and our family all on my own!” Louise turned and stormed towards the door. Louise turned back towards her brother just as she put her hand on the door. “And I hope your band gets pelted with rotten tomatoes tonight, because they’re rotten, just like your band!”

Then she opened the door and proceeded to slam it shut.

* * *

She’d been standing outside the door for five minutes now. It wasn’t because of her conscience or anything! It had more to do with the fact that the man behind the door skeeved even her out. She raised her hand again, for the 20th time, preparing to knock when the door opened before her. 

“Ah, one of the many Belcher children.”

“There’s only three of us,” she deadpanned. 

“Oh, it always seemed like more. How can I help you out here, on my front porch?”

Louise straightened herself up, falling into her role. “What makes you think I came here for your help? No, no, no. I came to help you, Mr. Fischoeder.” Louise smiled angelically up at him.

“Oh really?”

“Yes, as you are probably aware, while my poor father is out of commission, due to a back injury, my sister and her new husband have taken over the restaurant. However, what you’re not aware of are the frankly disturbing changes that have been happening at Bob’s Burgers.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Well, I don’t like to rat out my own family, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but my sister’s husband has completely changed the interior of the restaurant. As you are their landlord, I’m sure you gave them permission. However, if you haven’t been to the restaurant lately, let me tell you, the changes are bad for business.”

“They did tell me about the renovations, yes. I thought the update would be good for your dad’s dingy pit.”

“Well, it’s not! You should have seen the place this morning, it was a complete disaster area. They barely got it together in time before the customers showed up. And don’t even get me started on the menu. The whole thing has just gone down hill. As a businessman and their landlord, you really should be worrying about the rent.”

Mr. Fischoeder chuckled quietly to himself, stopping Louise mid-rant.

“The rent? I haven’t had to worry about the rent since Zeke took over for your father.”

“You know his name? Ugh, don’t tell me Zeke got to you too!” Louise fumed. Wasn’t there anyone besides her that was immune to his manipulations?

“In fact, I like the new look  _ and _ the new food.”

“You’ve been there recently?”

“Yes, every first of the month, to pick up my rent money. Never been late.”

Louise deflated, her bravado leaving her all at once. “Oh.”

Mr. Fischoeder looked at her condescendingly. “Let me guess, you’ve already attempted some surface-level sabotage. You created a disaster in the middle of the night hoping it would keep them from opening in the morning, but they fixed it before it affected the restaurant. Amature,” he scoffed. 

“No, I-”

“And now you’ve come to me, hoping to convince me that the changes were bad for my bank account.”

Louise tried to salvage the situation. “No, Mr. Fischoeder, you got it all wrong-”

“Don’t patronize me, smallest Belcher child. It’s not the changes you’re mad at.”

“Umm, yes it is,” Louise defended herself. 

“You might say that, but I think we both know that you’re actually mad at the one making the changes.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“No one would sabotage their own family over something as inconsequential as changing the interior of a restaurant and it’s menu.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Can I give you some advice from someone much better at sabotage than you are? Hit him where it hurts.”

“What do you mean?” 

“The man’s pride, of course.”

Louise looked at him, confused. 

“The food, smallest Belcher. Poison the food.”

Louise raised an eyebrow. “Look, I like a good evil scheme as much as the next girl, but even I know that’s taking it too far.”

“Come now, no one has to get hurt. You don’t even have to use real poison. Just some laxatives in his food will do. Once word gets out, the health inspector will give him a citation. Maybe shut the place down for a day or two. No real harm done. But Bob’s faith in the young man will be irrevocably shaken, and he will never allow Zeke to work at the restaurant again.”

“Why are you helping me, old man?” Louise asked suspiciously. “You don’t do nothin’ for free.” 

“Entertainment mostly. I haven’t been a part of a good scheme in quite awhile. And there’s something about you that reminds me of myself. I wish I could have had me as a mentor when I was your age.”

“You’re crazy,” Louise said as she took a step away from the man standing in the open doorway. “I couldn’t do that. It could taint the whole restaurant’s reputation forever.”

“What reputation?” Fischoeder said with a chuckle. “I don’t care what you do, but if you really want to get rid of your Zeke problem, you’ll stop with your silly pranks and take my advice.” 

* * *

The entire walk home, Louise’s head was swimming with Fischoeder’s words. She knew his plan would work, but she just couldn’t bring herself to undertake the evil scheme. She’d have to come up with something different, that would provide the same end result without the potential for ruining her family’s name. 

When she entered her family’s home, she heard murmuring coming from the kitchen and recognized her sister’s voice. She really didn’t want to run into her sister, but she was getting hungry. 

When she walked into the kitchen, she saw Zeke and Tina sitting at the kitchen table. 

“Hi Louise,” Tina greeted. “You’re just in time. I was thinking about what you said, and you’re right. Just because we don’t have burgers on the menu right now doesn’t mean we can’t have a burger of the day. Zeke and I were trying to come up with one for tomorrow. Do you want to help?”

Louise froze in surprise. “You want me to help name the burger?” She felt some of her anger slipping away. She had always loved to name the burger of the day, even though her dad never took her suggestions, often saying they were too ‘inappropriate’ for a restaurant. 

“Yeah, you were always good at coming up with the burger puns,” Tina said.

“We could sure use your help,” Zeke said. “We’re stuck over here. We’re tryin’ to come up with a name for a cheese and peanut butter burger.”

Louise walked closer to them, eying the paper before them, which had multiple names, each scratched off in frustration. “What have you got so far?” 

“Nothing good,” Tina admitted. “The only idea left is ‘You’re Grate! I’m Nuts About You.’”

“Yeah, that’s pretty bad,” Louise agreed. She was silent for a moment, racking her brain for a good pun. Suddenly, she smirked. “How about this? ‘Illumi _ nut _ i Burger: Cheese Out to Get You.’”

Zeke chuckled. “Hey, that’s pretty good! Did you just come up with that right now?”

“Yeah, no biggie, I’m just speaking off the cuff. Here, I have another one. ‘Cheesy on the eyes but Nuts in Your Mouth’.”

“Oh, oh! I got one. How about this? ‘Sweet Dreams Are Made of Cheese, Who Am I to Nut Agree’?” Zeke proposed.

“Oh my God, Zeke! That’s brilliant. Just like something dad would have done! I’m going to go down and put it on the blackboard before we forget. I can’t wait to share this with dad!” Tina exclaimed pushing a kiss onto Zeke’s cheek.

“Oh, I mean, but Louie's were pretty good too,” Zeke offered. But Tina hadn't heard him as she was already down the stairs and out the door. 

Zeke looked up at Louise wide-eyed, but before he could say anything more, she turned her back on him and stormed out of the kitchen into her room. 

Why did they even ask for her help if they didn’t want it? No matter what she did, Tina was always going to choose Zeke over her. It wasn’t fair. She used to be her sister first before Zeke’s girlfriend, but ever since the wedding it had changed. It was like she no longer even had a sister. In Tina’s mind, nothing Louise could do could ever compare to Zeke. Her sister always used to have her back and she knew the exact date and time that changed. The moment Tina said ‘I do’ on January 25 at exactly 7:06 PM. That’s when everything was ruined. 

She couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t have a choice. If she wanted Zeke to be purged from her family she was going to have to take drastic measures. She was going to have to go to the extreme, and thanks to Mr. Fischoeder, she knew exactly how to do it. 


End file.
